RITA

i sit     

i wait

i look

But don’t see

i just realized nothing really matters to me.

Im up

Im down

i want to just shut down

i can’t think

i can’t sleep

All i want to do is drink

i am alone

Will always be

Because of this Damn bipolar disease

i possess passion and intense desire which quickly begins to fade

when i realize that what he loves is just a grand façade.

This person that you see is simply my creation,                                                                                      a monster of my own sick and demented imagination

no one wants to deal with a person who is so detached and so deficient, they say GOODBYE then walk away in all under a minute

so I will sit     so I will wait    and I will look   but will never see

i ask myself "will things ever ever change?"  a voice inside answers "NO.  it will now and always remain the same."

Why must i be chained and schackled, a prisoner of my own mind,                                                     is that cause its the only place that i can go and hide

i grasp at every straw, trying to hold on with all my might                                                                 But whats the sense in fighting, for something that is dying

my mind is a prison and it is trite and weak

So I will sit here chained and schackled close my eyes and try to sleep

One sunny morning it happened

My eyes remained closed not opened

I did not sit up

I did not wait

I did not look

there was nothing to see…. Except the big bad DEVIL  staring back at me

he said “YOU MUST CHOOSE, RIGHT HERE AND NOW.   WILL YOU TAKE A TRIP WITH ME SOMEWHERE JUST DOWNTOWN?” hmmmm…. Downtown…. Doesn’t seem too bad if you think about… see some Shakespeare in Washington Square Park, a drink at the Slaughtered Lamb Pub over on west 4^th street,  pop in to one of the exhibits at the Guggenheim, shopping at the south street seaport and end at the Trinity Cemetery…hmmmmm what to do what to do what to do????  This all sounds sooo very tempting….

So I laid their paralyzed not knowing what to do…but hes says its time and I must choose

How should I answer, what should i do?

 As FEAR fills my being he is filled with sheer delight. 

The thought of remaining chained and schackled is with me every night....its not fair I say to have to live this way for the rest of my damn life.

i was never taught how to handle this situation that im facin’

and now my decision will determine my final destination.

Should I be living in this land of confusion and eternal agitation?

all i want is to rest and find some salvation

He turns and grins then takes my hand and says “there is no need to fright.”

I drop my head and take a breath and let out one last SIGH

He knows that I have fallen, he knows that i have no faith,

 he sees  my  imperfection and that just sealed my fate 

“These chains are too damn heavy”, I say as I begin to cry

“please…..please…. please take this heavy burden,   he says “now don’t you cry”

He lifts his hands with confidence as if he knew what the answer would be,

and SNAPS that rusty chain i've carried and the fear just went A-WAY

I’ve made my own decision! this beats living in a fuckin prison!

There will be no more sitting

There will be no more waiting,

there will be no more looking,

there will be no more seeing,  

no more fear of imperfections, no more regrets or indiscretions

NO MORE THINKING OR BELIEVING IN ANYTHING THAT HAS SOME REASON

HE SAYS THERES ONE MORE THING YOU MUST DO BEFORE WE GO TODAY

“ASK GOD IF HE WILL SAVE YOU, IF YOU ASK IT, HE WILL DO IT.  

 BUT YOU’LL BE BACK IN THOSE RUSTY CHAINS"

 DON’T SAY IT AND WE CAN LEAVE THIS PLACE AND GO VERY VERY FAR AWAY

 BEFORE YOU SLEEP BE SURE YOU TAKE ALL YOUR MEDICATION, IVE LEFT YOU SOMETHING EXTRA

  IN CASE YOU HAVE SOME HESITATION

REST EASY, DON’T FIGHT IT, CLOSE YOUR EYES AND DRIFT AWAY

I WILL BE HERE TO GREET YOU SO WE CAN START OUR DAY

So If when you get here and it  seems that I am dead asleep

 take my rotting corpse and BURN IT FOR ME PLEASE

 I prefer not to leave a trace of what you thought was me

CAUSE THAT PERSON IS NOT - WHO I EVER WANTED TO BE!

 When the day is finally over and you’ve  all  had time to think,

maybe then you’ll  see the person - that - was- fighting- to -exist

Written by Rita M     ALL RIGHTS RESERVED    ~BOOM!~

Ohhhh that dark dismal passenger travels everyday

Thought i dropped him off, cause it was on the way

That dreaded dismal passenger lives in the darkness of the night

And I never really know when hes going to strike

Every time I see you,  I hate to have to see you

Very nice to meet you, I hate to have to greet you

In the LIGHT its hard to see you, so I'll stay within the LIGHT

LIGHT can be blinding, if its nice and bright...

        I bid you a fond farewell and wish you a fine night, 

                  Just leave, and GOD be with you, 'cause ill never ever miss you...

                        Just remember to be quiet and please dont steal the LIGHT...

 That  dark passenger seems to find me  no matter where i go

  It makes me weak and weary, and makes me want to go

The DARKNESS and THE LIGHT will FIGHT, each and every day..

and it seems the LIGHT cant reach me if I'm far away

How do you stop this feeling...when you feel you should NOT be LIVING

 Why cant i stop this thinking, when i just hit the DAMN ceiling

It may be quite deceiving, but its no match for BELIEVING

IF THE  LIGHT remains GLEAMING then there is a reason to be LIVING

Every day it says GREETINGS, THE DARKNESS and THE LIGHT

But don't you ever worry cause I will never give up the FIGHT

THE END